I'll be good, I promise
by Sam Pembroke
Summary: Ruth has to go away for a little while after striking her stepmother. This is told from her point of view. Some anachronistic parts are in the story. What would you like to see in the next chapter? Please read and review.
1. Introduction

I'LL BE GOOD, I PROMISE

Sam Pembroke

CHAPTER ONE

Introduction

I looked up at the entrance to the institution, my step mother by my side. "I want you to get better Ruth. I know you don't want to be here, but your father and I think its best." She said. I know that what I had done to her was horrible, but I didn't know that it would have come to this. I'll tell you what I had done. One day, I think it was in the end of January, mama wanted me to have tea with her, and I said no. I didn't think anything of it, but then she began to yell at me saying "You'll never be a proper young lady if you do not have tea. Come young lady, come now!" I walked into the parlor, where she was sitting, waiting for me. "Oh no, you need to change. You need to wear your pinny." My pinafore, oh how I hate it. The woman makes me wear that god awful piece of clothing AND a corset. She can be such a burden to me, stifling whatever creativity I may have.

That day I had had enough, and I mouthed off to her; "What did you say?" was all she had said in reply. She looked at me, and I suddenly grew frightened, out of instinct I struck her. I didn't mean to strike her, and I cried out after I had done it. She sent me to my room without supper. I guess after that I had somewhat of a temper tantrum, I know, I know I'm thirteen years old and I'm still having a temper tantrum; I can't help that sometimes. I remember her coming to my room later that night and sitting on my bed. My younger sister was getting ready to sleep when mama came in. I was still awake and hungry. I wanted to eat, but there was no such luck to be had. By now, tears were streaming down my cheeks; "If you'll be a good girl then you can leave your room in the morning." is all she said. I never felt so dejected. All I wanted was for her to love me, and I couldn't even get her to say that she did, it hurt me.

When I woke that next morning, I found mama getting my traveling clothes ready. Why was I to be traveling? I did find my corset laced tighter than normal. "You need help Ruth." Is all she said that morning. There was no "Good morning Ruth, I trust that you slept well?" no "Are you hungry Ruth?" nothing. I remember how papa looked so sad that morning, like there was something going on. I ate a light breakfast that morning, still hungry after finishing it. I looked outside, it was snowing. "Where are we going mama?" I asked her. She didn't reply. That was the thing that worried me most. As we left the house, I noticed that we were going to the train station. "I'd like to purchase two tickets for the Broadacres Line, one of those is round trip, the other a one way please." She had told the ticket agent. Broadacres, isn't that the children's asylum? I was not mentally unfit. Why do I need to go there? I'm a good child. At least I think I am, my sister, well she might need a little work, but that's another matter.

As we boarded the train I wanted to hesitate, but mama just nudged me to continue. "Sit Ruth." She told me. I muttered something under my breath, she appeared not to notice. As we crossed the Peter River, I saw the massive complex of buildings. I began to grow fearful and restless as we slowed down to enter the station. As we stopped, mama motioned for me to get out of my seat. She helped me with my coat and hat, pinning it through my hair. "There, now you look presentable." She said. I hated it, it seemed that every time I wanted to go somewhere I had to wear that dopey hat, or had to have a muff around my hands, like I'd really need that stupid thing where I'm going. The snow swirled around me as I walked beside her to the entrance of the hospital. My odyssey had begun, and I sure as hell was not going to take it lying down.


	2. Settling in

Chapter Two

Settling in

As we walked into the building, I felt scared. Mama simply would not talk, until now. "I want you to be a good girl Ruth. I want you to do everything Doctor Ilivicki and Dr. Langdon tell you to do." I looked at her. I could see something that troubled her in her eyes. Before I could mama anything, two nurses came up to me, and led me away. "You sold me! You want to get rid of me! I…I hate you!" Okay, so the last part definitely was not true. I love her very much, but our relationship has been strained somewhat lately. Mama's from England where they're very strict and don't let their children have any fun in their lives. She should realize that she lives in the republic now, we don't have a queen, and we're free. The next thing I knew was that I was being led down the hallway to a room. "Here's your room miss." One of the nurses said. I walked into it and sat on the low bed.

Did I mention that the bed was low to the ground? I'm not a baby or anything, but my bed back at home is an elegant four post bed that has a nice thick blanket on it as well as a few soft pillows, nothing like this. This bed was covered by a scratchy woolen blanket. As I continued to sit there, the door opened, in walked a rather stern nurse. "Remove your hat and muff please." She barked. I don't like it when people come onto me all harsh like that, it's rather rude! "Now!" she barked. Finally, I gave in. I unpinned my hat and removed my muff. What she did next however, will always stick with me. Rather violently, she rips my dress of, exposing my underclothes. I tried to hide them from sight, but then came the shocker: "Your corset, please remove it." I did as I was told, somehow retaining this fear that they would tell my mother I wasn't being good. My two petticoats were the next items to come off. Those two things kept me warm in this cold hospital room. I suddenly began to get cold. Luckily, I could keep on my pantelettes and camisole top.

What they handed me was this dress that was white. I hate wearing white dresses, it makes me look too formal, but even still mama would've wanted me to wear it. I longed for my navy blue dress that I had on before I came here, I even still wish I had my black stockings to wear, but not now. In a way, I wanted mama right now, but I shut that thought out of my mind. "Dear, we have to go get your hair cut now." The nurse said to me. WHAT? A haircut? No. my auburn hair doesn't deserve that, I look beautiful already, now with a haircut, no boy will want me. That reminds me, whatever happened to Daniel Southbridge? I was quite in love with him, although he was a year older than me. I guess he's in some boarding school now, probably won't even budge when he hears the name Ruth DeWitt. Sorry, but I had to get that out of the way. The next thing I knew was that I was getting my hair cut to my shoulders, and I did not like that. No one cuts Ruth DeWitt's hair and gets away with it. Of course I should also mention that the nurses looked more powerful than me, so I would have gone down badly.

After my torture, they led me to this open day room, where there were other girls. It seemed like I was "prey" to them because they all came over to me. One said that they like shiny things; another said that she hates girls that are like princesses. I guess I fit the latter, because this girl was in my face, and constantly telling me "Your queen is dead, now you will be like the commoners." I don't even know what the hell that meant. As long as I kept thinking about mama, I was alright. For some reason this thought of her being scared came across my mind, although I brushed it away; "She's strong, she won't miss me much." I had thought to myself. Suddenly, this girl who was my age, twelve and a half came over to me. "Hi." Was all she said. I noticed that she carried a sketch pad with her. "I drew a rabbit, do you want to see?" Sure, I'd like to see your "rabbit drawing." She showed it to me, and I'll tell you what, it wasn't that bad.

I sat at this little table, I'm telling you; they must think we're babies or something; because I felt so out of place there. Then to my horror, the girl who hated princesses came over to me. "I don't like you; you must be from England, where that evil woman is queen. Yeah, you're the queen." I laughed silently, putting on my best Queen's English accent. "Yes, I am the queen, and I'm going to put you in the tower, because you don't like me." I thought it was fun until she began to freak out "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend you." She said frantically as she walked away. I couldn't tell if she burst into tears or what. After this happened, a man came over to my table with a sketchpad in his hand. "I want you to draw whatever you want. Draw your feelings, sketch anything. I'm not like the other doctor here, you'll find that out." He said to me. I thought whatever, okay. "Can I draw pictures of my mother?" I asked. "Why of course you may, do you miss her?" In truth, I missed her greatly. I wanted her to be there for me. I knew however, that probably wouldn't happen soon.


	3. Questioning

Chapter Three

Questioning

By now, you're probably thinking "Ruth, what in god's name are you doing here? You're not a bad child." I thought that too, but I don't know. After a night of sleeping on that god awful bed, I still was tired. I wanted my nice bed with my nice blankets and my nice pillows. Would I get them? I don't think so. Today's breakfast was oatmeal. Oatmeal, I shudder at the thought. When I was a small child, that's what I ate for breakfast, and subsequently threw up as well. I didn't know it, but there was a doctor standing over me while I ate. In my house, everyone sits when they eat, but not here, I wonder if that's just their custom? I wondered what my family was doing at this very moment. They were probably celebrating the fact that I was gone, or at least my mother probably was. Mama could be so cruel. But I wanted her more than anything.

Finally, the doctor spoke to me as I was barely touching my food, just taking small bites. "You must be Ruth Elizabeth DeWitt?" he said. Hello, yeah that's me. You could have just asked "Are you Ruth?" I still would have said yes. "Would you please come with me?" he asked in a horrible high nasal tone, not unlike how they talk in Brookline. I got up from the table and followed him. We got into his office when he told me to sit. I gently sat like most any young lady would sit. He took his seat, and immediately began to talk. "What is your name?" he asked. I replied "My name is Ruth Elizabeth DeWitt." "Oh." Is all he said. I thought that this would be the end of the questioning, but apparently it wasn't going to be the end of the questions. "What is your birthday?" Come on, why do you need to hear it from me? You have the information on the damn card, but like a dumb person I replied "February 2nd, 1870." He looked at me and said "I see you're twelve and a half, practically thirteen." I didn't know what he was getting at, but soon it made me nervous.

Finally, the questions were getting out of hand. One question was "Do you love your family?" I told him yes, I give them unconditional love, and I expect the same from them. He even asked if I was obedient. I told him yes I was; but of course he had a witty reply that went along the lines of "Well then, if you're so obedient why are you here hmm?" he got me there. I kept thinking of my mother. I wanted her so bad; I wanted her to be there for me, to at least stick up for me. Suddenly I found myself beginning to cry. I don't mean just a few small tears falling down my cheeks, this was full fledged crying. "What is wrong?" he asked. I replied through my sobs that I wanted my mother. I thought he would side with my plight, but no; all he said was "She's not here, get used to it." That just made me cry even harder. I told you that I could be strong right? I must have lied to you. My mother is my weakness. I just wanted her to come and rescue me. "I see your temper is a problem Miss DeWitt." He said as he looked at me. Why was he looking at me anyways?

Finally it was time for me to go back to that horrid day room. When I arrived, I had noticed that they were gathering all the patients to go outside for a walk. A nurse came and grabbed me to go along. I was given a coat and then led outside. When we got out into the courtyard, the snow was still lying there. In the distance, I could see the high rise buildings of Gregstown, my home. I was separated by the Peter River, or as mama called it "the River Peter" I could see the swirling waters a mere twenty yards away. If it weren't for the barbed wire fencing, I would escape and swim across, hey at least my corset wouldn't weigh me down. This place is like prison, and I don't like it. Sure, you're probably thinking "What do YOU know about prison? Aren't you a twelve year old?" Well for one thing; this place wasn't like home, no matter how much they wanted you to believe it was. I was just standing there when I heard "Hey you! Do you want to build a snowman?" I motioned 'no' but I guess that was the wrong answer, because what I felt next was a sharp pain in the back of the head.

I don't know the size of the ice chunk that hit my head, but I knew that I must get back at the person who threw it. Searching the crowd, I found the girl responsible. I lunged at her and threw her to the ground, and threw snow in her face. I enjoyed it, hearing her cries. 'That's what you get for throwing ice at me!' I shouted. Unfortunately, she had the last laugh as she threw another ice chunk, this time in my face. It stung, and I reached out and felt the area where it hit. I removed my hand and saw blood. That's when I lost it. I punched this girl in the face, and made sure that she never messed with me again. The next thing I knew, two nurses had me restrained, and I was brought back inside; kicking and screaming much like a little girl when she gets in trouble. They brought me to my room and gave me a sedative. I heard one of them say "Bring her to ward A. We'll have the machine ready for her." Machine? What machine? Oh no. It looks like I've crossed the line.


	4. The Machine

Chapter Four

The Machine

**Authors note: I wrote this chapter because I felt as though I needed to address a problem that occurred in these institutions. Often the doctors would think that their patients were too "dumb" or "stupid" to rat them out when they were sexually abused. Dr. Langdon becomes a close ally of Ruth DeWitt after this, and in a future story/chapter, he will be the adoptive father of Emily, Rose's twin**.

By now it was late evening, and I was still confused as to what this "machine" was. I can't remember the time, but it was dark out when they finally came to get me. "All right Ruth, let's go." I heard a nurse say as I was put on top of a gurney. I noticed that they strapped me down. "Why are you strapping me down?" I asked. A nurse jokingly said "So that you don't fall off." If I wasn't scared before, then I sure as hell was now. As I was wheeled down what seemed like an endless hallway, my heartbeat quickened; beads of sweat appeared on my forehead. And I was trembling. The next thing I remember was that we entered a bright room lined with tiles. A massive surgery lamp provided lighting. There was a large machine against the wall. That's when I saw him. "Hello Ruth" he said. I wanted to leave and quickly at that. "Do you know why you're here?" he asked me as he started to unbuckle the straps holding me down.

What he did to me next I will never forget. After he had unbelted me, I noticed he was going for my dress, beginning to unbutton several of the buttons. It was also at this time that he held me down so that I couldn't fight back. "Hold still." He said as he finally got my dress off, leaving my camisole and pantelettes exposed for the staff to see. "Okay, belt her down again." He said, and the nurses did just that. I heard the sound of electricity, and turned to see the machine, which had been quiet before, was now humming to life. "Okay Ruth, I'll just slip these on and that temper will go away." Dr. Ilivicki said, trying to imitate a comforting voice, but it failed, miserably. The machine grew louder, and the headphone like device was slipped over my ears. "Ready nurse?" Ilivicki said. "Yes, doctor." The stern nurse said. It was six seconds of pure pain. I convulsed and cried out for the one person who could make this all go away: mama.

I thought it to be over, but then I heard "Okay, let's give it another go around." No! I began to cry. The machine hummed like it was about to work double time. What happened next, I don't know if it were divine intervention or not, but that young doctor who I saw earlier that day came in and yelled "Stop! You've given her too much. Take her back now." Dr. Ilivicki looked at him and said "Langdon, this patient was very misbehaved, she needs another go around." The young doctor looked at me and then at Ilivicki. "You've broken the law, you know how much should be used on a child, and how many times you can do this without causing permanent damage." He looked at me again, then back at Ilivicki; "Take her back to her room, and do change her underclothes, she's had an accident." An accident? That's why I felt wet. I ruined a pair of my undergarments. I know that my mother wouldn't punish me under these circumstances. After being wheeled back to room, the nurse changed my pantelettes. At least I wasn't wearing a diaper, oh the shame if I was.

I went to sleep afterwards, but my head still reeled from the ordeal. I dreamt that night of my mother, possibly coming to her senses and wanting to get me out of there. My baby brother and sister would constantly nag her, so would Lizzie. Eventually in my dream she collapsed into tears, and it seems that I was there to lay a comforting hand on her back and tell her that it would be okay. "You look like an angel Ruth, are you dead?" she asked. I said "No, I'm coming to tell you I'm miserable and that I'm sorry for striking you." I then told her that I had to go, but I would see her soon. She did something next that I never thought would be a reality: she kissed my cheek. Mama wouldn't do that, she couldn't possibly love me. This was a strange dream. I then realized things could only get better.


End file.
